Family of Origin Trauma

Trust can feel fragile when you grow up in a dysfunctional family. Early on, you might have learned that people, even those closest to you, weren’t reliable or safe. As a result, trusting others as an adult can be difficult. You may second-guess people’s intentions or keep them at a distance, always expecting to be let down. It’s not that you don’t want to trust; it’s that trust has never felt secure for you. This can affect friendships, romantic relationships, and even how you interact at work. It can leave you feeling disconnected, even when surrounded by people who care. Building trust becomes a daily struggle, and while you long for deeper connections, the fear of being hurt again often holds you back.

Growing up in an environment where emotions weren’t acknowledged or were constantly heightened can lead to either emotional suppression or sudden outbursts. If you were taught to keep your feelings hidden to avoid conflict or rejection, you may have carried that habit into adulthood. This can make it difficult to express your needs or share how you truly feel, bottling everything up inside until it becomes too much to handle. On the flip side, if emotions ran high in your family, you might find yourself reacting intensely to situations, and experience outbursts that feel overwhelming and hard to control. Both suppression and outbursts can leave you feeling out of touch with your emotions, struggling to maintain balance or calm in your daily life.

Without realizing it, many adults carry forward the unhealthy patterns they witnessed in childhood. It could be how conflict is handled, how affection is expressed, or how people communicate, these early examples often become the blueprint for your relationships. You might find yourself in toxic dynamics—arguing the way your parents did or avoiding issues the way you learned growing up. The things you promised yourself you’d never do may start showing up in your own behavior. It’s frustrating because you’re aware of the patterns, but breaking free from them feels nearly impossible. The cycle continues, often leading to repeated heartache or frustration in relationships, both personal.

A dysfunctional family can make you question your value. Whether through constant criticism, neglect, or emotional abuse, these experiences can chip away at your self-esteem. As a child, you might have internalized the idea that you weren’t worthy of love, praise, or attention, and that belief can persist well into adulthood. You might downplay your accomplishments or struggle to accept compliments as you feel undeserving of happiness and success. Low self-worth often leads to self-sabotaging behaviors, where you push away opportunities or people who could bring joy and fulfillment into your life because deep down, you don’t believe you deserve them. It can feel like a constant battle to see yourself in a positive light.

Dysfunctional families often blur the lines between what’s acceptable and what’s harmful. This makes it difficult to set and maintain healthy boundaries as an adult. If your boundaries were constantly crossed growing up—maybe through invasion of privacy, emotional manipulation, or control—you may struggle to establish clear lines in your relationships now. You might let people overstep because saying “no” feels impossible, or you may not even recognize when a boundary has been crossed. On the other hand, you could be so protective of yourself that you keep others at arm’s length and refuse to let anyone get too close. Without clear boundaries, you might find yourself in unhealthy relationships, either giving too much of yourself or keeping too much distance. This can leave you feeling unbalanced, and unsure of where you stand in your own life.